Relationship
(hun you may not want to read this one)
This is gonna be my most personal post. I'm not going to tell all of my boyfriends or hole life story, but those witch had most effect to my life. If you are my ex you might not want to read this. You might found out something witch you dont want to know.
I don't know how many boyfriends i have had by now. For now i have boyfriend who i meet in game, we never have seen eacothers in real life. I hope we will. Some may think that's stupid. Well it's my choose, it fit to me in my life in this point. When I had last break up it was messy. He was there for me, he was lisning my worrys. We were friends in that point. On the way we noticed that we like eachothers. Well long distance relationship isn't ever easy. So much isn't there. You can't hug person who you love. There isn't those lil things without words how to show that you love. But there is lot talking. When you forgot to talk you'll be in big trouble.
Resently we forgot talk. You know, about everyday things. He talked to me when he wanted something from me. Of course that lead to that I felt unloved and hurt. You need to understand that every story have two sides of story and this is only my side of view. Reason why I wrote this isn't to make him look bad. We both made same mistake. I was pretty rude to him when he bothered to talk to me. Mainly we just argued about game. One day i got to my limits and things got ugly. In that process I end up hurting ppl who were totally innocent hole thing. Ppl who is my friends and who I care lot. I'm not proud of that. Anger can make you change and make you do bad things. I didn't like that person who I turned to be. All this happened in game, but game is like mini world. I'll get back to that in other post.
I have had bad luck choosing my boyfriends before. My first long relation ship was only good one, but we grow apart of each others. Long we stick together just because either one of knew what to do. We were more like friends. Some point I started fear his toch, it meant sex for me. Some point i think i loved him. We had awesome discustions. He teached me lot of things. He always though that i'm not that smart, in the end of our relationship he got to know truth. Well we had something beautiful once, but that was long time ago. Now i have only beautiful memories. These years after our break up i have meet him only few times. He is only one who i have cheated, that i regret lot. I think he still don't know (only if he read this). I have shame that so long. Not sure do any of my friends know about it. Well now they know if they read this. but that all happened years ago. We broke up whit no any fight and drama when I found new boyfriend.
Then my first love. i was 16 and totally kid. Our relationship wasn't long. When he dumpt me he drove me home from Seinäjoki. Hole about 20 min drive I kept saying in my mind over and over again: Don't cry, Don't cry. When we got to my home yard in radio came Janne Tulkki Tulvii Pohjanmaa. Those who doesn't understan Finnish can't understan it. It start in english this:
You go on and flooded Ostrobothnia. Turns off the stars and the wind yelp. Met rivers roll away, the tears of disappointment. You go on and flooded Ostrobothnia. There is a feeling as a wide expanse, it satisfies the human heart. Not to belong to the sweetness of the mind, only the true nature of straightness. It is not enough to you, you do not even thanked. I get to stay alone to mourn.
Well that point i cried. How could I be not to cry? We didn't see or hea eatchothers several years. We meat again because of Facebook. And we tried relationship again after so many year, well it didn't work.
Then there is my baby daddy. I have known him so many years. There was so much drama in that relationship. Well not between us, but causing by others, mainly his ex-wife. I was babysitting his kidand somehow we end up to same bed. And I fell in love to him. He would be good man if he wouldn't drink too much. His drinking was the reason why i left him before I even knew that i'm bregnant. We did hang together hole bregnancy and lil after our son was born, but not truly like cable. I kept about year after our son born hope on that he will change and we could be family. That never happened. It was disapointing moment when I finally let it go and started to walk away. I didn't plan to get bregnant, but my son is most beautiful thing what has happened to me. I knew some level that I will end up being alone whit him and I don't regret it at all.
Resently we forgot talk. You know, about everyday things. He talked to me when he wanted something from me. Of course that lead to that I felt unloved and hurt. You need to understand that every story have two sides of story and this is only my side of view. Reason why I wrote this isn't to make him look bad. We both made same mistake. I was pretty rude to him when he bothered to talk to me. Mainly we just argued about game. One day i got to my limits and things got ugly. In that process I end up hurting ppl who were totally innocent hole thing. Ppl who is my friends and who I care lot. I'm not proud of that. Anger can make you change and make you do bad things. I didn't like that person who I turned to be. All this happened in game, but game is like mini world. I'll get back to that in other post. I have had bad luck choosing my boyfriends before. My first long relation ship was only good one, but we grow apart of each others. Long we stick together just because either one of knew what to do. We were more like friends. Some point I started fear his toch, it meant sex for me. Some point i think i loved him. We had awesome discustions. He teached me lot of things. He always though that i'm not that smart, in the end of our relationship he got to know truth. Well we had something beautiful once, but that was long time ago. Now i have only beautiful memories. These years after our break up i have meet him only few times. He is only one who i have cheated, that i regret lot. I think he still don't know (only if he read this). I have shame that so long. Not sure do any of my friends know about it. Well now they know if they read this. but that all happened years ago. We broke up whit no any fight and drama when I found new boyfriend.
Then my first love. i was 16 and totally kid. Our relationship wasn't long. When he dumpt me he drove me home from Seinäjoki. Hole about 20 min drive I kept saying in my mind over and over again: Don't cry, Don't cry. When we got to my home yard in radio came Janne Tulkki Tulvii Pohjanmaa. Those who doesn't understan Finnish can't understan it. It start in english this:
You go on and flooded Ostrobothnia. Turns off the stars and the wind yelp. Met rivers roll away, the tears of disappointment. You go on and flooded Ostrobothnia. There is a feeling as a wide expanse, it satisfies the human heart. Not to belong to the sweetness of the mind, only the true nature of straightness. It is not enough to you, you do not even thanked. I get to stay alone to mourn.
Well that point i cried. How could I be not to cry? We didn't see or hea eatchothers several years. We meat again because of Facebook. And we tried relationship again after so many year, well it didn't work.
Then there is my baby daddy. I have known him so many years. There was so much drama in that relationship. Well not between us, but causing by others, mainly his ex-wife. I was babysitting his kidand somehow we end up to same bed. And I fell in love to him. He would be good man if he wouldn't drink too much. His drinking was the reason why i left him before I even knew that i'm bregnant. We did hang together hole bregnancy and lil after our son was born, but not truly like cable. I kept about year after our son born hope on that he will change and we could be family. That never happened. It was disapointing moment when I finally let it go and started to walk away. I didn't plan to get bregnant, but my son is most beautiful thing what has happened to me. I knew some level that I will end up being alone whit him and I don't regret it at all.
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